I

I drove on for a little while longer, considering the possibility that I had already made every decision I would ever make, and I just had to wait for time to play out so that I could live through them, or even die because of them. I think that there was some religion somewhere that some sociopath invented that addressed the same issue, but even generally speaking, religion never really was for me and I couldn't swallow and comfortably digest the whole concept, anyway. On the other hand, it just didn't make sense that we'd exist solely to move along the timeline. There had to be something more!

II

I could accept that everything was random, that the universe was chaotic, that there was no real point in anything and that everything was the result of an evolving dynamic towards entropy, manifested through constantly tipping balances of order and chaos. That final balance would be achieved in the end, somehow, in favor of the universe existing only as heat energy, and perhaps after that, something unknown would happen. All of the clinical stuff was fine, it was on a scale so vast that it didn't matter where humanity fit into it at all, much less one human life: my own. That was all fine with me, since it was too big of an issue to tackle at all, too vast to wrap my head around and think about on a level where words would even make sense, since there was absolutely no way that I’d ever really grasp the concept of the life-span of the universe.